hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
