the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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