Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
