I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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