Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
