I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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