DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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