She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
