my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
