He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
