The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
