Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
