It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
