you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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