why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
