I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
