Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
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