I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
