There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
