I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
