I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
