she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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