I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
