Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Princesses don't give blow jobs
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not