She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
