i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
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you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
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you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I supernannyed him into submission