The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window