Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies

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(281): View more from Texas

i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.

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(360): View more from Washington

Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.

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(310): View more from California

we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?

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(616): View more from Michigan

I supernannyed him into submission

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