Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
