I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
