got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?