ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
