My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
