Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
