Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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