I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
