I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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