I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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