Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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