dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Send help, water and tortillas.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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