it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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