I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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