she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
