Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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