why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
