while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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