I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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