Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
