Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
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