She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
