Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
