i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
