The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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