Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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