I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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