Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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