i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
