With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We left the knife in your bed.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
