She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
