im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
