State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
