ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
