This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
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