so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
