Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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