oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Do you have feelings for this penis?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
