Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
