Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
