you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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