her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm eating all of the evidence.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
