im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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