it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
