Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
