Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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