I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
