Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
