Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
