I showed him my bush... on skype.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
