Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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