i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
