Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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