Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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