if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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