I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
