What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
