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Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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