you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
