Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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